The other day I noticed I hadn’t had an entry on my blog for about 3 months. I just hadn’t felt the urge or the inspiration to write anything, so rather than force it, I let it sit. I made an agreement with myself that unless I felt the desire or the excitement to write, I’ll just leave it alone and know that a day will come when the push comes back.
This morning during meditation I had the thought to write again. And it was about why I had taken a break.
I realized it was because I was doubting myself. I thought, who am I to think I can give people insights on how to live better lives? I’m certainly not perfect. I’m learning as I go. Or worse yet – what if people think I’m strange? (well it’s maybe too late for that. ha) These self-doubting and self-sabotaging thoughts were clearly my ego whispering in my ear.
But over the last 3 months I’ve also had some big insights. The main and most mind opening one being continually shown that there is no “out there”. There is no solid world that we’re looking at and walking around in. If you read my previous posts, you know I’m into quantum physics and metaphysical studies. Science now proves that the “out there” world we “see” is really just a reflection of the thoughts in our mind. It’s moldable. It’s changing as we change. Amazing stuff to read – and mind blowing to really let it sink in over time – which I have done.
So. I sat with that a bit. And the realization I came to is that I just enjoy writing. And I enjoy spirituality and metaphysics and I enjoy sharing what I’m learning as I go. So I’ve decided to write as if I’m just writing FOR MYSELF. Because if my ego gets in my ear and says “nobody cares what you have to say” or “who do you think you are giving insights on life?” I can simply shoo it away now. The ego is a pest. I write because I have something to say. I write because while I explore things, I find joy in sharing them with like-minded people. Or skeptical people who are starting their spiritual journey.
But by far my biggest ah-ha moment was this: when I write, since there is no solid world “out there” and in fact we are all One consciousness, I am really just writing for myself!
Let that sink in. Anytime you want to give someone advice, you are giving that advice to yourself! You just go do what you just suggested to someone else!
It was important for me to address that pesky ego, and to not let it take away any of my joy. I no longer will think of people perhaps judging my views on life, or on religion, or lack of religion. Because in reality, this whole experience is just a playing out of what’s going on in our minds. I choose to pay attention to my fearless, open, and loving mind (and not my self-doubting, fearful one).
As my journey unfolds, I’ll share it through writing when the mood strikes me. And I’ll do it first for myself – and if others can find joy and insight in it, I’ll be grateful.
Thank you!
Nicki
