We’ve had a very hard couple months at our house – with my father-in-law first being on hospice and then crossing over/passing away less than two weeks ago. He had a long and very brave seven year battle with cancer. My family, and especially my husband, are grieving and trying to adjust as best as possible to this “new norm.” What I am drawn to write about today is the grief process, and how our bodies, and more specifically the energy of grief, help us to heal.
Although I’m grieving the loss of my father-in-law in my own way, it’s obvious that my feelings of grief are nothing compared to what I’m watching my husband go through. To lose a father is something on another level.
What I learned (which I am taught again and again) immediately after his passing is: I have no control over other people’s feelings, reactions, and mourning process. While it hurts to see my husband in pain, I know that my own personal beliefs about life after death are not necessarily what he wants or needs to hear right now. I realize it’s not the time to talk about the fact that his Dad is still right here with us and that he can hear you and see you. It takes time to get to that place. and sometimes hearing those words can cause more anger and resentment than actual comfort. I also remind myself that it’s not my job to convince people to see things the way I do. I like to think I open the door and it’s up to people to walk through it and explore their own path to their higher self and all that goes with it.
A couple days after my father-in-law passed away, I realized that one of my first instincts was to try and cheer my husband up. Let’s go do something! Let’s get outside! Again, I quickly realized that grief comes first. It’s proven that serotonin levels drop after someone close to us passes. The brain in literally rewiring itself to get to know this new reality – of a life on Earth without the person who passed away. It’s a physical and emotional process – and it’s draining. I was learning. I couldn’t just “cheer him up”. Not only wouldn’t it work, it would be doing him a dis-service. It would be sending the message to him, and my kids, that grief is something to be pushed aside or afraid of.
This led me to think about myself and my beliefs in healing. And a lightbulb went on: grief is an energy in and of itself.
That “wave of sadness” that my husband keeps referring to – that comes and goes throughout the day – is an actual energetic vibration (or field) of specific energy. Grief energy. And it’s quite literally washing over him.
And this isn’t something to fight. Because like all energy around us, grief energy comes from Light and is serving a higher purpose. We are likely consciously and unconsciously processing old memories and emotions about the person who passed, letting go of future thoughts we can’t necessarily name (plans we had for the future with the person who passed), as well as trying to process life right now in a new way. It’s a lot to take on. It’s not something to be scared of or something to “get over”. Just like any emotional or physical pain we deal with in life, grief is to be experienced fully in the moment – AS IS.
In fact, the body and the Divine higher self know what they are doing. I found a great article that I remembered reading a couple years ago about tears. Photographer Rose-Lynn Fisher researched the different structures of tears in close-up photographs. She wondered if tears of sadness would show up differently than tears of happiness or tears from cutting an onion, etc. What she found was that tears of grief and sadness actually look different than tears of happiness or tears of joy. I’ve noticed they actually can feel different too.
What does this mean? The body knows what it’s doing. Tears of sadness are specifically produced to heal.
They quite literally help us to wash away and work through our loss. They cleanse.
{Click here to read the article detailing her study on tears}
I started to realize that the best thing I can do as a spouse of someone in deep grief is to simply be there. To withhold my advice, my own thoughts on life after death, and my instinct to “lighten things up”. I too am learning my own lessons in this process. Let the grief wash over you. Let the tears flow. Go with the emotions that are coming and going. There is a method to the madness. People are not kidding when they say: grief is a process. The higher self, the soul, as well as the body and the aura, know what it needs. Most people who have been through losing someone are likely nodding their head – we already know this, Nicki! Well maybe most do, but for me, this is the first time I’ve realized that grief is an actual vibration. It’s an actual energy that serves a greater and higher purpose.
Because – if the pain of losing someone is not dealt with and allowed to heal – what can happen? We discussed this topic at my Reiki Master class last month. My Reiki teacher said she often treats clients who have lost a loved one and haven’t fully processed and released the grief. And the unprocessed grief energy sits in their heart. Right there in the heart chakra. Yes, we’ve all heard of people who quite literally die of a broken heart. Grief in the heart chakra can also pass out into the arms and hands.
Occasionally grief energy can also sit in the root chakra. Located at the base of the spine, this chakra is related to our physical reality, as well as our family of origin/ancestral energy. You can imagine that losing a relative can throw this energy chakra off. Energy imbalances in this area can cause lower back pain as well as pain in the legs and feet.
Not everyone takes the time to let grief work through them – some shut it out, some turn to substance abuse to ignore it, while others may smile and pretend they are fine. As an energy healer and Reiki practitioner, I channel high vibrational energy to help clear out any grief energy that may become stuck in the body. This healing energy (not me) restores the balance in the aura.
Although I know my husband (and myself) first need to let grief do it’s work – when he’s ready, I will be able to help in my own way by using energy healing to clear out anything that needs to be released. Channeling Universal/Source energy (through Reiki, Tai Chi, Yoga) is like a balm for the body and aura. It soothes and rebalances in a way that even I don’t fully understand.
What I hope this post does for myself and for others is to remind us all what we know from our higher self and Soul: the energy of grief is here for a purpose. It clears the way for us to move on with life on Earth without getting stuck in the energy of sadness and disbelief after losing someone.
Grief energy is like a bridge of energy that we have to walk in to get through this tough time.
It sucks, it’s hard, but the soul knows we are here on Earth for a purpose. We are always surrounded by light because it’s what we’re made of.
If you sit in the silence, even if you’re surrounded by your grief, your higher self still peeks through. It tell us we’re not on Earth to suffer. Our loved ones wouldn’t want that for us. And over time we eventually come to the other side of the bridge of grief. Changed for sure, but hopefully also with a new sense of awareness that our loved ones are still right here with us. In fact, they are likely the ones helping us the most through our grief process.
If life “across the veil” interests you, I highly recommend the book Messages of Hope, by Suzanne Geisemann. I attend Suzanne’s monthly online mentoring sessions, and find her to be incredibly knowledgable. This book details her own grief after her step-daughter’s passing, and how this led her down a path to becoming an evidential medium. It does exactly what the title says – brings through a lot of hope.
Thanks for reading everyone!
In gratitude,
Nicki
